Berikyuu! Episode 11: At Wii’s End

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At last, the end of the Wii challenge episodes! And this time, I’ll cut the sexual innuendo to a minimum!

Manoeri looks even tastier than normal at this episode’s beginning. Perhaps it’s the outdoors setting, or perhaps it’s because she’s reading through De Sade’s Philosophy in the Bedroom for some proper tips on the way to flog somebody.

Okay, now I’ll cut the sexual innuendo down to a minimum.

Hey, here’s something to think about: why are only the oldest of H!P Kids given a turn at the Wii? Perhaps they’re the only ones who’ve learned proper restraint around such an object? Perhaps the producers of the show tried it out on the younger ones and were shocked at what Chisato suddenly did with her Wii-mote… that is, what she did on Airi? All this guided by the dominatrix gestures of Kanna… Let that image sink in, folks. Let it sink in.

Okay, now I’ll cut the sexual innuendo down to a minimum.

Anyway, it’s Maimi’s turn at the challenge. And man, you’d think time would soften my feeling on the outfit she’s wearing, but it’s as fugly as ever. However, I have found the Berryz outfits don’t look as bad as my first (and second and third and fourth) impressions left… Maybe it’s because it’s being worn by Momoko, and Momoko makes anything look good.

The first question Maimi is asked is, “Which of the three people sitting next to you are you considering murdering?” She points at All Of The Above, laughing, “What a silly question! Like I’d ever commit murder and admit to it!”

Nervous smiles all around. Momoko is happy that she wasn’t asked the question, as she had already called off the pipe-wielding motherfuckers who were going to get all medieval on Saki, Erika, and Maimi. Momoko is a good careerist, taking her supremacy among wota quite seriously.

Maimi chooses “Erika”, mostly because she wants to hold onto the leadership and knows Umeda’s been having backroom talks with Kanna.

Erika jumps up, unsure of whether or not Maimi is going to pull out a portable chainsaw and go all Scarface on her.

The two agree to set their differences aside for the moment, since this game is so fucking important to both their careers. Because neither of them has anything else to worry about, like other units besides C-ute, or photobooks, or… um…

The second question for Maimi: “What is the going price for a toe cut off from an underage idol?”

Momoko laughs: “Well, it depends if you’re selling it as jewelry or as food, right?”

“I mean… man, what a sick question! I have no idea how to answer that!”

Momoko feels very much in her element right now, and is laughing and having a good time. Images of extreme carnage and bloodshed dance merrily in her mind, as do that of talking dogs and giant polka-dotted lizards and some weird amalgamation of Aleister Crowley and Bea Arthur.

But seriously, who knows what exactly goes on in the mind of an idol? Like serial killers, they have had upbringings quite different from that of normal people. Like serial killers, they are made privy to dark aspects of the world that no child should have to consider – the inner workings of UFA, and the many mash notes they doubtless receive from wota. Who’s to blame them if they become psychotic killers and start preying on each other before turning on their fans?

“Hey, Saki – you could dance just as well if you were missing four toes, right?”

Saki thinks and goes, “Risako couldn’t dance any worse. Let’s chop off hers!”

Anyway, Maimi gets the answer right by assuming the chopped toe would be both jewelry and food – you know, like a lollipop ring.

The last question is a doozy: “How many H!P Kids can you fit into this handy dandy cooler?”

Momoko is pleased at this idea: “If I had gone that route, I wouldn’t have had to waste all that quicklime on Mucchi’s corpse!”

“Still, we can use the answer to this when it’s time to dispose of the rest of the Gatas!” Saki answers, looking on the bright side.

“Yes, the proper disposal of our inter-unit rivals must be considered,” Maimi thinks, even as she imagines breaking all of Chisato’s limbs to better fit into the cooler, followed by Maimai, followed by a beheaded Yurina…

“Of course, we could just start with Puri Puri Pink since nobody would notice they’re gone anyway!” Saki laughs.

Momoko can’t help but guffaw: “I wouldn’t call them rivals, by any means!”

Of course, the right answer is that you can get all the H!P Kids into this cooler. All you need are the fine products of Robot Coupe.

Now I have this image of a young Charlton Heston running around and screaming, “Soylent Green are idols!”

Oh Momoko Momoko Momoko! So lovely, looking innocent here as you consider your next move to world domination!

C-ute won this challenge. I’m sure they got raises or something. Now let’s move on to the next episode, stat!

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3 Responses to “Berikyuu! Episode 11: At Wii’s End”
  1. jim says:

    Does anyone complain about the murder innuendo? I bet no one thinks it’s worse. And have you read Watch Out by Joseph Suglia? It’s scarier if you didn’t.

  2. Ray Mescallado says:

    Jim:

    I’m hoping that people following this series are so numbed by the gratuitous sex that the gratuitous violence will seem like a welcome change of pace. Though seriously, my strong love of satiric Sadean hyperbole is hopefully being understood for what it is here.

    And I’m not familiar with the book or the author. Should I be?

  3. Momotaro says:

    You should be. You wrote it! XP

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