Berikyuu! Episode Two: Grind That Cob, Baby!

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I’m hoping this won’t be a habit, but watching the second episode of Berikyuu! meant I just had to snark a post about it. This was incredible, this was phenomenal, this opened the gates of heaven for my wota-ness!

Speaking of which, we again start with future H!P diva / queen bitch Manoeri, reading on the steps of a chapel?

Is she inspired by the words of Saint Augustine? I think of his famous plea to the Lord: “Give me chastity and continence…”

“… but not quite yet.”

Again, the title card.

And again – no surprise, really – the older Kids are missing.

Insert expletives about No Momoko here. It’s like having U2 perform without The Edge, or the Rolling Stones without Brian Jones, or…

Oh my God! Somebody check the swimming pool!

So anyway, today they apparently have a new challenge…

Identify what the fuck this thing does!

“Let’s see… Stephen St Croix sized, not Vince Voyeur and definitely not Tony Tedeschi,” Maasa muses aloud.

Anyway, with that extensible cock-ring doohickey, I’m not gonna make any more jokes about the sexual imagery the Secret Vase inspires.

Instead, this time I’m going to wonder if what it’s really teaching the girls is how to take bong hits.

Breathe in deep, Nakasaki… Let the smoke fill up your lungs…

Yurina then wonders if the doohickey is actually a roach clip for a monstrous Miyabi-sized fattie of chronic goodness. Do people still call it the chronic? I’m old and no fun anymore, so I can’t tell. How about mijua leaf? Does anybody ever say mijua leaf?

“Bakanishi taught me how to take a hit, too…”

“Okay, this is the part where Junno comes in and I watch him and Jin get it on in slow motion.”

Airi continues to think, “I really shouldn’t have been so slutty on that upcoming cover.”

Okay, Maasa’s is the best visit to the Secret Vase this time.

She makes her guess.

Gets it wrong, like everyone else.

Then knocks it over on the way back to her chair!

And when she sets it right, she actually apologizes into the vase!

Honest and truly and all snark aside, I found this touching and a wonderful sign of what a good person she is. Also, I’m falling in love with those shoulders of hers again. So I guess I’m finally letting go of that “Love Namidairo” disaster.

Okay, back to the pot jokes… Still musing over her pose for the new C-ute cover, Airi takes a hit to get over the pain…

… and she sucks in deep…

… and she holds it in, letting the THC work its magic…

… but no, she still feels despoiled by that pose and all the thigh she’s showing.

Chisato takes a turn at it. Oh, I forgot to point out again that their costumes are all fugly. Their costumes are all fugly. There.

What is it with Kanna and Maimai constantly looking concerned? I mean, is it just something between them? Do they know the truth, that they’re in a horror movie and soon Momoko will come trampling in, wearing a hockey mask and mowing everyone down with a chainsaw?

Chisato apparently gets mad about giving in to peer pressure.

“It isn’t like a Cheech & Chong movie! Did you know Cheech ended up on Judging Amy? Do you really wanna end up working with Amy Brenneman? She sucked in Heat!

“I saw Reefer Madness! I saw that Scott Baio ABC Afterschool Special that was made before my parents were even born!”

“No way, man. I’m not gonna go for that. Just say No, Dude.”

“Oh, and that extensible cock ring is Peter North-sized. Trust me, I know.”

Anyway, the answer to today’s challenge – as my spoileriffic title and opening image shows – is to take corn off a cob in an easy, thrusting, repetitive motion.

Airi and Nakasaki are thrilled by it, thinking, “This seems familiar somehow.”

Maimai and Chisato are awed. “I wanna try it out!”

On a side note, it’s nice to see Miyabi be the grown up again and taking care of the corn-grinding for the others. However, she’s also beneficent, as she allows Maimai to help her.

So here’s Maimai working on her own cob of corn, grinding and grinding and grinding…

Whoops!

Oh. My. God. Maimai gets some corn stuff in her eyes while grinding the cob.

I take back every rude thing I’ve said up to this point, because I know I’m going to hell now otherwise.

The two continue to make corn for everyone…

Yurina and Risako seem to enjoy it especially, for reasons I won’t venture. I like the score being kept – so far, it’s a tight competition between the two units. Zero-zero.

Here’s an action-shot speeding-in close-up of the cob-grinding.

And slowly, Miyabi realizes as she looks in the camera: “This doesn’t look too good, does it? Some fuckhead wota is gonna read disgusting things into this, isn’t he?”

Next time: the girls try to swallow two-foot sausages whole. Okay, not really, but don’t be surprised if I’m right.

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5 Responses to “Berikyuu! Episode Two: Grind That Cob, Baby!”
  1. David says:

    Hi Ray.

    Your captions to Berikyuu are hilarious! I hope you’ll be giving the same treatment to all the upcoming episodes (^_^)

  2. why did you make a reference to Jinami’s SecreT love affair that is still going on?

  3. jim says:

    That “vase” looks a lot like an emergency car/camping potty. I expected a gator-meat-like punchline with it. It’s all low-level suggestion with these girls anymore. Reaction gags are the best…they should have a show of them reacting to people’s blogs…

  4. jim says:

    “Neal Obstat”? Topped yourself there.

  5. Ray Mescallado says:

    jim:

    I thought I ripped that joke name off Thomas Pynchon, but I checked and apparently I stole it from David Foster Wallace.

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