Berikyuu! Episode 8: Erika Takes A Turn

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So when last we left off, it was Erika’s turn and… oh, yeah. That’s why I stopped.

Hey, there’s that Manoeri chick again!

You know what? I’d like to **** her until she ****** and then ***** with a ****** before I pull out my ***** with the stainless steel *******…

before the Episcopalians come around with ******** and ****** so that they can **** her in the ****…

How do you like the sound of that, Man Oh Eri?

“It depends,” she pouts.

“Can I **** you with a disposable **** and then ***** you sideways until ***** and then ***** with a collapsible *****?”

Why of course, my dear! Whatever makes you happy!

So Saki did her half of the challenge, getting three questions right out of three. Now it’s Erika’s turn.

This first question is obviously about the proper hook one needs when tying up a fellow idol during a shibari ritual and leaving them hanging, suspended in the air, for whatever follows next.

Momoko and Saki seem puzzled by this, and for good reason.

Momoko asks, “Well, it depends on how they’re tied up and what you’re going to do with them afterwards, correct?”

The kanji reads, “Your partner will be tied cocoon-fashion and will be suspended upside-down for some light flogging. “

Maimi gets excited: “That means you need a load-bearing hook that will fit snugly around the knots placed by the ankles!”

More information as it’s determined the flogging will be done with a cat o’ nine tails.

“Cat o’ nine tails? Are you fucking kidding me?” Maimi asks.

“If you’re not using a bullwhip dipped in ammonia, why bother in the first place!” Everybody laughs with her.

“I wish Kanna was here!” Saki shouts. “That bitch knows all this BDSM shit like nobody’s business!”

“Does the question mention whether or not your partner’s gagged or wearing a leather face mask?” Maimi asks.

Saki then asks, “Wait! Find out if the hook your partner will be suspended on will turn like a disco ball or stand still!”

So many factors to consider for poor Erika and she knows the right hook is the difference between an evening of intensely painful pleasure in a private dungeon or standing around in an emergency room trying to explain the bruises around one’s wrists and ankles and midsection.

Look at how she holds onto the Wii-mote – using both hands, steady grip, easy handling. That’s all a plus.

Erika picks the proper hook for this little game, and apparently there’s also a small butane torch used to add burn marks on one’s partner as they’re suspended by their ankles.

“And don’t forget, the safeword should always be respected!”

“Unless you wanna make that bitch Airi suffer for being such an attention whore!” Maimi laughs. It’s good to see Maimi enjoy the consensual suffering of others.

The next question is apparently simple: Which Japanese girl group will be the first to have a #1 album for the week in too long a time?

“Can we wait a couple weeks after the airing of this episode before answering this question?” Momoko asks. “We’ll find out then if ‘Internet Cupid II’ and ‘Internet Cupid III’ will have to be written for the next Buono! album.”

“Call me crazy,” Erika starts, but I don’t think Morning Musume will be the answer…”

“Wait! What about Utada Hikaru or Koda Kumi? They’ve clocked at #1 and each sold well over a half million copies!”

“No, this is about idol girl groups in particular…” Erika cautions. “Like us, but – you know – selling better.”

“How about Exile or Arashi? They both seem like a pretty faggy bunch and they sell albums in the hundreds of thousands!” But no, it has to be an actual girl group.

“Oh, if only there can be a recent, relevant answer to this question!” Saki implores. “Maybe a trio of some sort, guided by an auteur-like musical genius who will make them dress and sing and dance exactly as they’re told! Just like us, but popular!”

Of course, popularity isn’t the most important thing – nor are looks or marketability or mainstream pop cultural relevance. After all, this is the idol business, which is all about fairy dust and picnics.

Anyway, Erika got this question right, whatever it is. Just one more and she’ll be tied with Saki for this challenge…

So the next question involves… skates?

“Can it get any lamer?” Saki asks, clearly disappointed.

My brain must be fried, because the only depraved thing I can think of with this is what skate would be best for severing the heads and/or limbs from someone you just killed. And sure, that’s a trick answer since it all depends on how much one sharpens the blade, not on the design of the blade itself.

But skating also reminds me of Tonya Harding and makes me ask: Which of the H!P Kids would most likely kneecap another of the H!P Kids with a lead pipe?

I know what you’re thinking – Chisato – but I don’t think so. She’s all about the shiv, she can knife like no one’s business but probably won’t be as good at kneecapping. Momoko is more of a fast-acting poison kind of girl, while Saki never has such murderous thoughts.

“Momoko wouldn’t even have to bother to bend over to kneecap most of us!” Erika jokes. Momoko makes a mental note to make some tea for Erika later.

“Can’t you just choose a fucking answer already?” Saki asks.

“It’s not like this really matters or anyone is rooting for you,” Maimi adds.

“Anyone willing to wait up late at night to watch this just for you would be even more deranged than Momoko’s wota!” Saki taunts. Momoko nods in agreement, knowing full well how deranged her fans are to start with.

So Erika caves in, chooses the same number of battery-operated pleasuring devices she tends to use at the same time.

And winds up getting it wrong.

She seems troubled by this, beneath that non-smile smile and the fingers brushing over her face nervously.

She stands up, waiting to be told that she’s going to be kicked out of C-ute and replaced with a younger, cuter Egg who may actually have a solid fan base. Yes, Erika, you did an incredibly fun and wonderful solo track on the last C-ute album. Yes, Erika, you paid your dues and served your time. But H!P is an unfair business at best, and at worst a strangely opaque cabal intend on driving dirty old men crazy with their capricious choices. And the time has come to get somebody new in C-ute who fans don’t want to look around for another peek at Airi thigh.

“If you were still captain, you’d at least play a major role,” Saki advises, a bit too late.

Having won this round, Saki waves hi to the wota watching, asking. “Will you pay attention to me now, please? I want my own photobook!”

“Don’t you wanna see me shake my junk in the making-of DVD? I’m a dancer, dammit!”

So Berryz have won this challenge but the C-ute duo seem to be taking it well enough. Three minutes of minor humiliation versus a considerably cooler song and PV. Not a bad trade-off.

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2 Responses to “Berikyuu! Episode 8: Erika Takes A Turn”
  1. Nic says:

    Erika herself is the best at kneecapping, and then severing the person’s head; what do you think happened to Megumi?

    Awesome as always~

  2. broomhead says:

    This is awfully dirty