Berikyuu! Episode 4: Strike A Poseur

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For this episode, I decided to not give in to weakness and have the episode translated to me, to actually comprehend and get right what they’re doing. What’s the fun in that?

Why would I want to actually know what’s going on when I could just make bizarre speculations based on the ever-simmering filth that passes for my mind? After all, I consider my inability to understand much Japanese a virtue when listening to idol music, as the vapid cliches of pop lyrics can be ignored safely in favor of the other virtues it offers: a catchy beat, pretty boys and girls, a lot of charisma and personality.

Speaking of a lot of charisma and personality, we again start off with Manoeri buried deep in a book.

Can this be considered part of her training as a future soloist for H!P?

“Step one: Make sure your brother isn’t an idiot who causes Sonim grief and later forms a gang to steal cable.”

“Step two: No Playstations, no turtles, no writing, no driving. Also, no crappy singles that people won’t care about.”

I’m beginning to really resent this title card, as it’s false advertising. I’m seeing fourteen Kids (and wanting sixteen) but am only getting ten. What if you bought a dozen eggs from the grocery store only to go home and find eight? Wouldn’t you be mad, too?

Anyway, this time around the challenge involves… I dunno, posture? Channeling the spirits of the undead?

The Berryz look on, unsure of what to make of this as much as me, apparently.

They’re trying to start individual conga lines and waiting to see if the rhythm is gonna get them, the rhythm is gonna get them…

Maimai could actually look cute here, if that dress wasn’t so fugly.

Seriously, it’s like the C-ute girls are using feather boas for foundation garments.

It would be more interesting if they had BoA for a foundation garment, walking around and holding their chests like in that Janet Jackson picture.

Anyway, it seems that Kanna’s having a good time thinking about BoA groping her, while Maimai apparently has something to say.

“So I was asleep in my bedroom, when this guy was standing at my doorway, asking if he could come in.”

“He said he missed the last handshake event and figured it’d be okay to find where I lived, break into my house, and come into my room while I slept.”

“So I looked it up and apparently the 2ch Book Of Etiquette said that is indeed acceptable behavior.”

The Berryz are all thinking, “Silly Maimai! We all know the 2ch Book of Etiquette already!”

Miyabi’s apparently going, “Come on, we’ve all had this happen to us! What’s the big deal?”

“And then he struck this pose and I suddenly knew who it was!”

Oh my God! Tsuji’s babydaddy tried to get it on with Maimai! Did anyone tell Nono about this?

Airi’s delighted by this story because Tsuji’s babydaddy is a real hottie. Nakasaki applauds Maimai’s adherence to wota regulations.

Kanna goes, “I may hit for the other team, but I’d spread my legs twice for Tsuji’s babydaddy!”

Now it’s time for the Berryz to strike a pose of some sort. And…

Okay. Look at Chinami’s hands. I could resist temptation here. I could not go for the obvious…

Oh, fuck it. Chinami’s thinking, “Bakanishi told me it was this big… but it sure didn’t feel that way when the lights were out.”

Maasa is trying very hard to imagine it, as Chinami continues, “He also said something about Johnny Wadd, which I guess is the name of a new unit they’ll be debuting at next year’s Countdown.”

On a serious note, doesn’t Chinami look lovely with that smile? She certainly knows how to brighten a room. I can see why a considerably older man would be interested in her. Waitaminnit – I’m a considerably older man who’s interested in her, too! What a coincidence!

Okay, back to the smut: “He also said I needed to learn some yoga if I was going to benefit from this as much as possible.”

Maasa then asks, “Based on what I’m seeing, would that qualify as a choad?”

“If so, wouldn’t Bakanishi count as Mister Choad’s Wild Ride? Ba-dum-bump!”

This attempt at humor is lost on Yurina and Risako, apparently.

And so they ask Maasa to repeat it.

Either that, or she’s doing a hula move? It looks like a hula move to me, but I’m living in Hawaii so I may be biased.

Look at Kanna, staring at the Berryz asses on display for her. She’s counting off, “Hit it, hit it, gonna hit it soon, hit it, gonna hit it…”

Yurina is stooping! That’s bad for her posture! Don’t afraid to be the tall one, Kumai! We’re all rooting for you!

“You think it’s easy being the tall one in the group? Constantly being asked how the weather is up here by Momoko and the Captain? Having the fabric to our outfits stretched so thin that my party hats threaten to pop through the front? It ain’t easy!”

Risako, meanwhile, laughs mercilessly at Yurina’s plight. Or is thinking of her own Tsuji babydaddy visit. Or wondering what the hell a choad is.

Miyabi again breaks down the fourth wall, saying, “Thank you, dirty old wota, for not picking on me or my monstrously huge chin this time!”

Anyway, some mysterious score is tallied and it turns out C-ute have won, four versus two. Or maybe that’s the number of C-ute who’ve been visited in the middle of the night by Tsuji’s babydaddy versus the number from Berryz. Chinami shouldn’t count since we know she sneaks out every night to get some Real Face time.

The winners bask in their glory or something. Kanna goes, “I’m in C-ute now! Send me two young Eggs so I can crack them open like an omelette!”


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One Response to “Berikyuu! Episode 4: Strike A Poseur”
  1. Arbitrary Greay says:

    Aah, yes…
    The only way to enjoy this crap of a show is to make it as dirty as possible. They really do hand us the innuendo, don’t they?
    Although I’m more inclined to think Maasa’s guessing how long It has to be to be proportional to Chinami’s given width.