Rating the “Dschinghis Khan” PV

Filed in American Wota 3.0

Actual Date Posted: 2008-03-21

Setting aside all pretense of rational judgment, I’m going to rate Berryz’s latest video based on libidinal appeal. We’ll be using a five-condom rating scale because, let’s face it, if I ever wind up having my way (and vice-versa) with an idol, I’ll end up with a coronary by the sixth condom. A smile on my face, yes, but a coronary.

Momoko with that guitar. Beautiful, laid back, having a good time…

[rating:5 / 5]

Miyabi with the tambourine: playful, definitely sexy, but a little distant.

[rating:3 / 5]

Yurina holding up a finger. I don’t wanna think where that finger may wind up…

[rating:1 / 5]

Chinami with a “Give me a call sometime, Jin” look in her eyes.

[rating:4 / 5]

If Jin was involved, too…

[rating:5 / 5]

Yurina with pom-poms and glasses. It’s like a cheerleader dream meets CHiPs. Sorry Erik, you’re a total softoff to me.

[rating:1 / 5]

Dance shot: they’re sorta bent over, but that’s it.

[rating:1 / 5]

Yurina with a heart gesture. Reminds me too much of how illegal my thoughts are.

[rating:.5 / 5]

Chinami in the hallway: I’m pretty neutral on this one.

[rating:2 / 5]

Risako with the megaphone: not a twitch.

[rating:0 / 5]

Momoko swinging around on-stage: ah, be still my heart…

[rating:5 / 5]

Shot of little kids: really, that’s just spoiling the moment. I wish there was a negative condom rating.

[rating:0 / 5]

Chinami on-stage: full of energy, but no smexy vibe.

[rating:1 / 5]

The Fuck You dance move: funny, but that’s it.

[rating:1 / 5]

The curtains open, the girls try to look sexy. Try a little too hard, especially Saki.

[rating:1 / 5]

The look on Momoko’s face while gesturing is funny and mildly suggestive to my warped mind.

[rating:3 / 5]

Miyabi’s huge hand, meant to distract from her monstrous jaw.

[rating:2 / 5]

Momoko points… to where? A love hotel? A back alley? A pink pretend tea party?

[rating:4 / 5]

Risako… I dunno… I know I should feel something for her, because she’s all kinds of pedolicious, but STILL…

[rating:1 / 5]

But looking forceful here! Wow! “You! Pleasure me in ways that I don’t know because I’m underage and would never do such things in real life!”

[rating:3 / 5]

Maasa with electric guitar. Cool and maybe even rockin’, but…

[rating:1 / 5]

Maasa looking forceful doesn’t work nearly as well as Risako, for some reason.

[rating:1 / 5]

Miyabi working the glasses, giving more of a Sue Lyon vibe…

[rating:4 / 5]

Yurina definitely working the Sue Lyon vibe here!

[rating:5 / 5]

Saki doing her dance with those smexy smexy hand movements.

[rating:5 / 5]

That said, the keytar scenes are a definite softoff.

[rating:1 / 5]

Momoko the folk singer again. Who would have thought her strumming a guitar would be so hot?

[rating:8 / 8]

(I’ll risk the coronary in this case.)

Momoko looking quite mature in this close-up.

[rating:5 / 5]

Miyabi looking quite foxy with that monstrous chin of hers.

[rating:4 / 5]

Mo’ Momo…

[rating:4.5 / 5]

Mo’ Mo’ Momo…

[rating:4.5 / 5]

Chinami working up her own special groove…

[rating:5 / 5]

And this shot! Oh man, just keep the defibrillator paddles handy…

[rating:8 / 8]

Chinami with the leis and maracas. Two ripe visual jokes I can pass up…

[rating:4 / 5]

Chinami going gangsta… um…

[rating:2 / 5]

Okay, if she calls me “bitch”, that’d be a plus in any situation.

[rating:3 / 5]

Maasa does the rock goddess thing again. Kakkoii, but not sekshii…

[rating:1 / 5]

Risako. Whatever.

[rating:1 / 5]

Miyabi with both hands now. What’s she reaching for…?

[rating:2 / 5]

One last shot of Chinami looking magnificent.

[rating:5 / 5]

So overall, how did this rate? Well, Saki, Chinami, and especially Momoko had their highlights. So did Yurina, just that once. Maasa and Risako didn’t at all. Miyabi… I kept wanting to like her – well, like her in THAT way, I mean – but the connection didn’t come through. Their outfits are ridiculous, but pleasingly so: easy midriff peeks, lots of skin.

The little kids didn’t help any.

But Momoko with the guitar and Chinami striking that pose helps a lot.

So overall…

[rating:3.5 / 5]