The Hard Eighth, Part Three: Kanazawa

Filed in American Wota 1.0

An unrepentantly shallow assessment of the Morning Musume Happy 8 Auditions as they progress. I hate to say it, but Hello! Morning isn’t helping me figure out who to root for beyond Mini Namie. We don’t get to see or hear them sing, we barely get to see what they look like – why bother showing the audition at this stage, then? Why not just start showing from the second round of cuts onwards?

The most notable presence in this week’s audition summary is the judge that matters most in this process, Hello! Project mastermind Tsunku. And the more I think about it, the more right that seems.

Following a routine set by the first two segments, this one begins with a view of the city…

… then to the TV station…

… then to the hopeful auditionees waiting in line.

This girl looks pretty cute. A bit too mature looking for the pedolicious scale, though.

And there’s much love for Takahashi Ai among the girls interviewed. Takitty is apparently the only one to ever make it through the Kanazawa auditions in the past and become a Morning Musume.

So in effect, they’re looking to be the next Takitty. Not that I want to be bitchy, but maybe they could’ve aimed a little higher. Takitty is clearly talented, but I still can’t help but think she’s charisma-deficient even after all these years…

Here’s a shot of one of the finalists, Kanazawa One, from behind. Based on the outfit alone, she’s already got my vote.

Anyway, a total of five are chosen to move on to the second round from Kanazawa…

Kanazawa One, whose outfit I already admired and looks as good from the front as from behind. Depending on how old she is and how she’d look in a less borderline-skanky outfit, she rates between a fifty and a seventy on the pedolicious scale.

Kanazawa Two, who looks like she’s ready for the beach…

Kanazawa Three, who also decides to go with the casual approach.

Kanazawa Four, who, um… no. Just, no.

And Kanazawa Five… um… definitely not

Kanazawa Three is the only one we get to listen to speak afterwards, as she is from the same prefecture as Takitty.

She seems fresh-faced and personable, likeable but not very easy to cheer for. So yeah, that’s Takitty in a nutshell. This one’s maybe a thirty on the pedolicious scale.

So that’s four auditions down, six to go…

… And Tsunku’s already brought in to consider who moves on to the third round!

You know, I’ve been having dreams of him running around in a garden wearing nothing but a huge flower on his crotch and… wait! Damn you, Craig, and that photo you posted in the forum!

Anyway, on the one hand it’s nice to see Tsunku taking an active hand in the process… on the other hand, we see so little of these girls who made it to the second round, it’s difficult to compare his vague comments to what we’ve witnessed.

He takes notes, but of what? Is he writing, “Must find another Konno.” Or “I wonder how my name looks with a female sign at the end?” Or perhaps, “The wife wants me to bring home a loaf of bread and a dozen H!P Eggs”?

Ah, Sapporo Three. As time passes, I’m liking her more and more. Mostly because we actually got some small sense of who she is, as opposed to many others we’ve seen.

The difficult part is that Tsunku’s decisions often seem impossible to fathom but often enough work out for the best. Tsuji, Konno, Sayumi, Koharu – they all struck fans as strange choices, but look how they turned out.

As a result, trying to figure out what criteria would work best for a Momusu inductee is difficult, especially as filtered through Tsunku’s mind.

Is it best to have somebody who already shows talent and charisma? Or is it better to choose somebody who can be molded over time, who may seem more diamond-in-the-rough than others but will polish brighter for all the work involved?

Tsunku watches videos, looks through applications, and comments cryptically on each audition so far. He seems to like one thing here, another thing there, but nothing we can figure out on our own.

Here he realizes, “What the heck, we don’t need talents or looks! I’m Tsunku, the Pyg-freakin-malion of the Jpop world!”

So how far do we trust him? Do we want another Konno, another Koharu… another Takitty?

It also helps to explain why so little of the audition second rounders have been shown. After all, if Tsunku is the arbiter of who’s in and who’s not, and if his criteria is difficult to figure out – even counterintuitive at times – then why show us somebody so we can judge? Do we have the same perspective as Tsunku? Are we able to see the same things he does? Perhaps not.

And if we don’t like it, it’s not like we can do anything, can we? It’s Tsunku’s way or the highway! He can go in, decide he wants a girl, and we can all bitch and moan, knowing six months later that she’ll be our new favorite. It isn’t like we haven’t done this dance with Mister Sharan Q before, and it’s not like we should be surprised now.

Oh, well. I’m hoping Mini Namie and Sapporo Three and maybe even Sapporo One (despite what I wrote earlier about her) make it to the third round of auditions. And Kanazawa One, if she decides to add tassles to her next outfit. Mini Namie would be more than enough for me, though.

I know I’m setting myself up for major wota heartbreak. I just know it.

Damn you, Tsunku!

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8 Responses to “The Hard Eighth, Part Three: Kanazawa”
  1. Craig says:

    Tusnku u gay bastard, looking good! 😛

    Ray u gay bastard, LOL XD hehehe!

    Tsunku’s playing with u! Playing! XD

  2. Menno says:

    How would you rate Tsunku on your pedolicious scale?

  3. Ray Mescallado says:

    Well, he’s too old to measure on the Pedolicious Scale, but on the Switchalicious Scale Tsunku’d rank maybe a forty, though he was a sixty in his younger and wilder Sharan Q days. Bandmate Makoto also ranks a forty on the Switchalicious Scale, Shingo of SMAP gets a solid eighty – and Tim Gunn of Project Runway gets a ninety-five.

    You reading this, Tim Gunn? A NINETY-FIVE!

  4. Craig says:

    4 God’s sake Mr Gunn stay away from Ray! He has a wife & kid 2 think about 🙂

  5. niji says:

    [em]So in effect, they’re looking to be the next Takitty. Not that I want to be bitchy, but maybe they could’ve aimed a little higher.[/em]

    Wipe my ass with your tongue, then DIE!!!

    ROTFL XP

    Peace! LOL

  6. Chuck says:

    I find Takahashi’s legs to be very charismatic.

  7. Jarret says:

    Takahashi is seems to be alot like Kisaragi Chihaya from Idolm@ster, in many ways. But that’s neither here, nor there.

    Not sure what it is, but I see him picking two or three girls to join MoMusu this time.

  8. Ron says:

    A big FUCK YOU to Tsunku for being such a gay prick! I would shoot him if i was the cameraman!