The Hard Eighth, Part 2: Kagoshima and Sapporo

Filed in American Wota 1.0

An unrepentantly shallow assessment of the Morning Musume Happy 8 Auditions as they progress. And this time around, the only assessments that can be made of those who pass the first round is shallow at best.

This week’s episode of Hello! Morning handles both the Kagoshima and Sapporo rounds of the auditions, where a total of twenty-three girls move on to the next level. Do we get a slightly extended version of the auditions, so viewers can judge better who to root for? Of course not. Do we hear much singing from these hopefuls? Barely any. (Though apparently, more audition footage is available online – but it’s not like I care that much…) This is only the first cut, after all – best not to get attached to these girls, as most all of them are cannon fodder and never to be seen after the second cut.

Though one’s already won me over completely and I don’t care if she can sing or not, I want her in the group now! (Spoken like a true Sayu fan, eh?) But as always, I’m jumping ahead of myself…

First stop, Kagoshima. I like the shot of this statue, mostly because it emphasizes the historical aspects of the region and of course what we care about here is history.

Here’s the TV studio…

And here’s the crowd of girls.

The girl in the pink-and-black looks cute but doesn’t make the cut. Love the outfit, though.

The girl dressed up as a trucker all the way on the right seems real cute. Or maybe I just have a thing for truckers.

This one makes the cut. She rates a fifty-five on the American Wota Pedolicious Scale (patent pending).

This one doesn’t make the cut…

… nor does this one. Oh well.

The big reveal of who makes it… and it turns out seven from Kagoshima move on.

Instead of a close-up of each girl with a name and age, we just get quick shots of them singing from a middle distance. So going by that, and sticking to this series’ credo of shallowness, I will merely comment on their outfits and let that influence who I think should go further.

Kagoshima One. Cute outfit. Cute girl, too.

Kagoshima Two. Very cute outfit, love the red midriff against the denim.

Kagoshima Three. Boring outfit.

Kagoshima Four. Somehow, even more boring than Kagoshima Three.

Kagoshima Five. Ugly outfit.

Kagoshima Six. Okay outfit…

Kagoshima Seven. Also okay outfit.

Kagoshima Four. Nothing particularly strikes me about her. Actually, nobody in Kagoshima really did it for me. Doesn’t measure on the Pedolicious scale.

Kagoshima Five of the ugly outfit doesn’t impress me at all. I don’t even like her hair accessories. Also doesn’t ping on the scale – like plastic being scanned by a geiger counter.

Next, we move on to Hokkaido – Sapporo, to be exact. I like how they have this phallic tower…

Soon enough followed by a spurting fountain.

Here’s the TV station…

… here’s the crowd of girls.

I’m pretty sure this one didn’t make the cut. She looks very Seattle, though, doesn’t she? A new tomboy wouldn’t be a bad idea. A forty on the pedolicious scale, mostly for the “sheltering a hapless runaway” vibe.

I think this one did make the cut to the next round, but can’t say for sure… Doesn’t make the pedolicious scale, though.

This one’s a cutie and she makes the cut as Sapporo Sixteen. She looks like Reina and young Makoto, doesn’t she? Don’t know if that’s good or bad but I like her already. An easy seventy-five on the Pedolicious Scale.

This one makes the cut as Sapporo Three, though I kinda wish that banner through her face wasn’t there so we could get a better idea of how cute she is.

I’m pretty sure this one makes the cut…

Anyway, in Sapporo sixteen girls make it to the next round. Hokkaido has always been very good for Hello! Project, what with Nacchi and Miki and Country Musume. I think any other audition and sixteen would strike me as excessive. Here I think it’s being optimistic. Anyway, a quick assessment of the audition outfits…

Sapporo One. Great outfit! Barbie T-shirts all the way! She’s already my favorite from the auditions, as noted below…

Sapporo Two. Ugly outfit.

Sapporo Three. Great outfit, love the weird hairdo.

Sapporo Four. Okay outfit.

Sapporo Five. Boring outfit, but not ugly.

Sapporo Six. Love the shoes, love the denim.

Sapporo Seven. Okay outfit.

September Eight. Like the outfit, wish I could see some of the legs here…

Sapporo Nine. Great outfit, love the blouse.

Sapporo Ten. Good outfit… um… I can’t see her face from this screencap, but I think she was the one from earlier. And she’s considerably off her mark.

Sapporo Eleven, and I’m thinking, “Oh my God, how can I suffer from minna-lag while reviewing auditions?” Okay outfit, at any rate.

Sapporo Twelve. Love the deep tan, the outfit’s a bit too casual.

Sapporo Thirteen. Great outfit, great hair.

Sapporo Fourteen. Not a good outfit.

Sapporo Fifteen. I can’t even tell and can’t be made to care…

Sapporo Sixteen. Great outfit, and she looks real Reina to me here.

Sapporo One had me at hello. Put simply, she looks too much like a young Amuro Namie for me to not root for. What the heck, if she doesn’t make it through to the next round by some twisted turn of Tsunku-esque logic, have somebody else sign her up!

Look at that smile! She’s already a heartbreaker. And thirteen is still young enough to mold into the H!P manner. On the Pedolicious Scale, she’s already a ninety and I’m already wanting her first H!P shuffle appearance, anime solo debut and tasteful bikini photobook to take place.

And the Barbie T-shirt! Is Barbie the lucky charm for auditionees this time around? Will we see girls from later auditions pick up on this pattern and try to wear the Barbie brand as well? If so, that’d be hilarious.

Sapporo Eight. I like the T-shirt, but it should be Barbie and not bebe. That said, her shoulders look real nice with the cut of the shirt. She’s scoring a solid seventy on the pedolicious scale.

She’s a likeable enough person and she’s eleven which makes her prime Tsunku material to mold into something fabulous. And we actually get to see her speak in this segment, which is already a huge plus.

Sapporo Thirteen seems a nice sort and – hold on. Seventeen? No way in hell is she going to last.

She’s too old to rate on the Pedolicious scale, of course. I like her smile, though. That said, wouldn’t it be great if somebody around her age does get added to Momusu? I’m… not sure.

It cuts both ways, after all. On the one hand, adding more kids in the eleven-thirteen bracket just seems tiresome, especially for Momusu. On the other hand, being an H!P idol in particular does require a good amount of training, as the H!P Kids now show – and a wise investment that time turned out to be. Though knowing Tsunku, he’ll again upset expectations and wind up choosing sixteen- and seventeen-year-olds this time.

As of this writing, I wanna see Okinawa Three, Okinawa Five (who is actually related to Amuro Namie, by the way), Sapporo Eight, Sapporo Sixteen, and especially Sapporo One to move on to the cage match round. What do you mean, no cage match round? Whatever, I just wanna see more of them. Kagoshima disappointed, but perhaps we’ve got the making of a new Country Musume as well as a rejuvenating eighth gen.

And while I know my heart’s gonna break, I wanna see Sapporo One go all the way and become the miracle girl this time around. Come on! Little Namie! That’s just impossible to resist.

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6 Responses to “The Hard Eighth, Part 2: Kagoshima and Sapporo”
  1. Craig says:

    Rooting for 1 already? 🙂

    I could live with an adult being added to MM but she’d have 2 B AMAZING 🙂

  2. Garamond says:

    My favorites are Sap1 (Sapporo no. 1) and RMC (Reina Makoto Clone). The RMC scored 98 on my scale btw, while Sap1 reached 87. 🙂

  3. niji says:

    Is “Pedolicious” now an American Wota trademark expression? It’s getting really hard to read Ray’s articles around other people. ROTFL XP

    I hope they also get one to replace Koru. She’s hopeless. LOL

  4. Garamond says:

    [quote niji]
    Is “Pedolicious” now an American Wota trademark expression? It’s getting really hard to read Ray’s articles around other people.
    [/quote]

    PEDOLICIOUS PEDOLICIOUS PEDOLICIOUS! Lol j/k 😀

    Anyway I think it’s a cool word. I wonder who first came up with it? Was it perhaps Booger back in 2003, as seen in http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pedolicious ?

  5. Craig says:

    LOL @ Garamond 4 looking it up 🙂

  6. Beth says:

    Haha. Right now I’m living in Japan and I just picked up a magazine, and what happens to be within the first few pages? Girls wearing tons of Barbie things, and Barbie stickers. Now, this is a FASHION magazine, so I’m going to make a wild guess here that Barbie will become really popular with teens in Japan in the near future…