Suggestions for Shuffle 2006

Filed in Cult Of Pop 2.0

With Lainay’s excellent H!P Shuffles series catching up to the present day, maybe it’s time to start thinking of this year’s shuffles. They should be announced pretty soon, maybe in the next month or so…

Anyway, here’s my suggestions. I don’t expect to be heard by the powers that be at UFA, though I’m not holding it personally against them.

Mammary Moni 5. Give the fans what they want and create a whole unit devoted to the girls with the largest breasts. Matsuura Aya, Saito Hitomi, Okada Yui, Konno Asami, Maki Goto. They can do a fast paced song that allows them to get all jiggly, and of course require the sexy beams in their dance moves. Maybe a new version of “Koi no Dance Site”?

Maxi Moni 4. Instead of the shortest H!P stars as with Minimoni, use the tallest! So that’s like Iida Kaori, Kumai Yurina, Sudo Maasa, Yajima Maimi… That’d be like a Sexy Otana Jan but with nosebleeds. Give them equally sexy costumes and another great bossanova song… Actually, this would be interesting just because we can at last put to rest the idea that Maasa and Kaori are clumsy and gawky. Kaori at her best is a great singer and decent dancer – it’s just surrounding her with considerably shorter girls when she began to stick out more. (Thanks to crs of 28hundred hours for making this point – it’s stuck with me since!)

Scandal Moni 3, a.k.a. The Fridays. Bring back smokin’ Kago Ai in style! This unit would have plagiarist Natsumi Abe and allegedly promiscuous Yaguchi Mari as well. Ayaya wasn’t punished enough by UFA to be included here, and she can perform better with Mammary Moni. Yagu plus Aibon has often resulted in subgroup greatness – Tanpopo Gen 2 and Minimoni Gen 1 – and this trio could go for a classic Golden Age Morning Musume sound. While I am joking about all this, a Kago / Nacchi / Yagu combination seems so natural and right, especially considering how they all get along.

Tanned Popos 2. Ishikawa Rika in another two-person unit, this with Tokunaga Chinami. They look cute and pose in bikinis with each other and compare how dark skinned they are. No songs are necessary, but I’ll insist on several photobooks, with guest appearances from Rika’s pale Ecomoni partner, Michishige Sayumi.

H!P Geriatrics. Instead of H!P Kids, pull together the oldest members and give them a really boring song sung in harmony with no solo lines to show how talented they are, and make them wear unflattering dresses and… oh wait. That was Puri Puri Pink.

Actually, I just noticed that I’ve included all of Gen 2 Tanpopo in these shuffles. So let’s set aside the silliness and consider this: fuck the shuffle units this year and re-unite the greatest subgroup of all time, second gen Tanpopo! Iida, Yagu, Kago, Rika! Let them dress up in that Brit retro look and sing sweet girl songs with perfect solo lines.

I hope some of you will offer your own silly suggestions at this point. And don’t use the H!P Unit Generator for this, cause that’d be cheating.


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13 Responses to “Suggestions for Shuffle 2006”
  1. Alice says:

    On an odd note, I can’t access Cult of Pop from my apartment. Might be a DNS
    problem on my end.
    Anyway, here’s my suggestion which has been hinted at a few times by H!P Girls
    Asagumi 4 – Asami (from Country Musume), Konno Asami, Murata Megumi and Murakami
    Take the two Asa(mi)’s and the two (Me)gumi’s and you get the ultimate shuffle
    unit! If you want to get really fancy you could throw in Fujimoto Miki and Korenaga
    Miki (making her idol debut), but who am I kidding, I just want Kore-chan to get a
    singing debut of some kind.

  2. Johnny says:

    What about Mammary Moni 5 doing the dance routine from Renai Revolution 21 or Iroppoi Jirettai?

    I think that would be perfect for them.

    Or maybe just let ’em put on the costumes from 3nin Matsuri so they can start doing the “skirt thing.”

    Mmmm…. ^___^

  3. k2c says:

    Notorious M.O.N.I. – In the style of the diss tracks sent between 2Pac and Biggie, we need to create even more tension between H!P members. Thus, combine those who have proven quite apt at teasing others, Yuko Nakazawa, Miki Fujimoto and Reina Tanaka [Hey, Kusumi is gonna be a target]. Also, Boss Saito can be added in as it’d be a sweet name to have and I’m sure she can upset over MKB treatments. They will put out a diss single on Rika, Sayumi, Koharu and anyone else that wants to step.

  4. Chuck says:

    There should be a mix group that’s called Rainbow 7, but they would all wear black-and-white outfits!

    Oh, wait, I’m too late…

  5. niji says:

    I’m sticking with D-Kawaii (duo of Reichan and Aihime).

    …this new layout has me very disoriented. 🙁

  6. All the suggestions so far are great – except Chuck’s, which is just silly and unworkable.

    And niji, I’d been wanting to try out a 2-column variation of this design. Is it better for you? Does anyone prefer the 3-column? I especially like how the eyecandy strips can expand to 4 with the 2-column…

  7. Johnny says:

    To be honest, I prefer the old design: with the “photo collage/strip” on the left, your MAIN ENTRY in the center, and the comments, links, and Radioblog on the right.

    It’s visually more appealing if you ask me.

  8. Alice says:

    I like this layout more, but the 200+ pixel checkbox freaks me out a bit.

  9. Chuck says:

    I like this better than the three-column layout. It’s probably just a sign of my mental capacity, but the three columns of text kind of visually overwhelmed me.

    Just as a fairly irrelevant side note, I love the current slogan. It made me crack up.

  10. crs says:

    Hm, I would be interested in hearing Miki Fujimoto, Aya Matsuura and Natsumi Abe do smoky, low-key jazz standards. I’ve always thought they were some of the better H!P singers, anyway, and the jazz performances Ayaya did were surprisingly (to me, anyway!) strong.

  11. Johnny:

    The old design won’t come back, mostly because I needed a change of pace. I’m one of those who believes that websites should redesign every six months or so, and I was feeling the itch for a couple of months before I found a satisfying new look.


    We’re going extra-wide with this site! Yeah, it IS kinda freaky, but I consider it a good freaky.


    The reasoning behind the 3 column design was to not have the sidebar stretch too far down… but it did look too busy and confusing, even to me, which was why I was easily nudged into modifying it to this 2-column version.


    You have a point here… Considering how hiro’s Coco d’Or project got such great attention, I’m surprised that Tsunku hasn’t tried out standards along the same vein. Ayaya’s show last year was a step in that direction, but your idea would be even more exciting.

  12. Creepy moni. A duo of Tsunku and Koharu. As part of the deal, Tsunku is always standing directly behind Koharu. Koharu sings lead and Tsunku sings in the background using a number of strange voices commenting on Koharu’s performances and describing how great he knows she Koharu is.

    About freakin time moni. A duo of Sonim and Yuki Goto. No, really. Also known as “Save Sonim from becoming an AV star moni.”

  13. Tsuji_Eriku says:

    goddamn “creepy moni” that’s hilarious