Is Tsujikago Cosplay Porn Better Than No Tsujikago At All?

Filed in Cult Of Pop 2.0

It happens when I watch the Hello! Pro Party DVD, or when the “Robokiss” or “Miss Love Tantei” PVs pop up when I’m watching a mix of favorite H!P videos… Every once in a while, I feel a pang of longing for W and I can’t believe it’s already been six weeks since Kago’s been suspended. By this time, W should have released their new single, their new PV, their new album… all lost.

Luckily, the video Double U Dream helps make up for this W loss, provides solace in knowing others out there also miss the Tsujikago chemistry and wish to recreate it for eager fans… Okay, not really, but a few weeks ago when Alice first directed me to this AV offering of porn stars indulging in W cosplay (before the scandal broke, I should add), I couldn’t resist. And now it provides a W fix when I need something new and different.

Double U Dream features Miho Yui as Tsuji and Amai Mitsu as Kago. They both look sort of like their respective idols, but not really. Miho Yui has the right kind of face and can do the Nono pout convincingly, but I’m often seeing as much Yaguchi as Tsuji. As for Amai Mitsu, she looks even less like Aibon… at least the Aibon of today (wherever she is). If anything, she bears more of a resemblance to the 12-year-old Kago, maybe an alternate version of how the young Kago could have grown up and looked.

In this shot, I’m definitely seeing more of a young Kago and Yagu vibe than a W vibe, despite how they’re dressed. A part of me is nostalgic for Gen 2 Tanpopo, a frequent enough happening for me. What the heck, they could have found a Rika-like and Iida-like and done Tanpo-porn instead! Imagine the costumes from “Koi wo Shichaimashita” with the chemicals and the magical mirror and the big hats being worn… and nothing else

Anyways. Where was I? The opening sequence plays off the W imagery to good effect, though apparently they don’t remember or can’t afford costumes for “Koi no Vacance”, which would have been real hot and sexy if handled right.

Very very cute here. But definitely not Aibon cute.

Of course, the big question everyone must ask is: can these actresses recreate the chemistry of Kago and Tsuji? When I think of Tsujikago the team, I think of the way they really seem like twins, how their behavior complements and builds upon each other…

And really, if two young women can’t get naked together and engage in sex together without some chemistry going on…

Oh, wait. We’re talking porn. Lack of chemistry is typical when you bring two women together… or two women and a man… or one man or one woman… or two men and a woman and several blind dwarves… What often makes porn laughable is how disengaged the performers are and how this disengagement is the paradox at the heart of these supposed fantasies of sexual abandon.

That’s why great porn stars are most often praised for how much they get into their sex scenes, how convincing they are… Which I guess isn’t all that different from how convincing a pop idol is in showing her persona, whether genki or kawaii or whatever.

After the opening sequence, the first scenario starts. Taken from the man’s point of view, there’s someone at the front door! Who could it be? Pink Lady? The Peanuts? Abe and Nacchi?

No surprise: it’s porn Nono and porn Aibon. I must confess, I don’t know if the clothes they’re wearing are meant to remind H!P fans of anything in particular. That said, the hairstyle and the top that porn Aibon is wearing reminds me of some shots of her from before Gen 5, around the “I Wish” era…

“This week on Sanma no Mama…” Ahh, that would’ve been fun, if this guy who’s supposed to be the audience’s stand-in is some adult male geinou that Tsuji and Kago have strong relationships with. Ishibashi would be a great choice, Matsumoto of Downtown would be convincing enough, considering what I’ve heard about him…

Of course, for full ick factor, try to imagine that this is Tamori who the girls are about to seduce.

And yeah, I considered Tsunku – but believing these girls are W is one huge suspension of disbelief already. Tsunku engaged in hetereosexual acts is way too huge a second leap. (Though now that I think of it, I wouldn’t be at all disappointed by some Tsunku-alike gay porn.)

Anyway, the girls soon enough get their host to his bed, which you know is real classy because of the white tiger print on the sheets. Wow.

One of the funny things about this whole DVD, not just this first skit, is how much it flies against my own ideas about Tsujikago and their sexuality. I find it unfathomable that the real Tsuji and Kago would ever indulge in such sexual gameplay. Call me foolish, but it strikes me as too unlikely to be anything more than a far-flung fantasy such as this.

Which may or may not be naive of me. But if I push my imagination and try to consider what Kago and Tsuji would be like in a threesome, it seems kind of… I don’t know. Beside the point? The idea of Kago and Tsuji being sexually active isn’t all that outrageous to me, I’m not an otaku who needs my idols to be perfect and virginal. However, this kind of scenario seems so unlikely, so much out of character from what I know and expect of Tsuji and Kago, that the disconnect is too strong.

It may be because we’ve seen the girls grow up from twelve to eighteen, but I think it’s also that living in the spotlight – the particular kind of spotlight they inhabit, at least – makes me think these girls have led pretty cloistered lives. They’ve been too busy working to get into any real trouble, they’re too invested in their idol careers to make much leeway for the kind of risks and exploration that happens to teens outside of this kind of spotlight. Being caught smoking is one thing, but a three-way with an older guy? With Tsuji? As often as this fantasy has played in an otaku’s mind, it seems too much beyond the pale. After all, where would they have found the time? Or the inclination?

Which doesn’t mean I can’t imagine a sexually active idol, including in Hello! Project. The older girls certainly, and I must confess that I’ve always imagined Yuko as being something of a screamer, a totally wild one.

Of course, I could be wrong. The smoking may be the the most innocent of Kago’s vices and she’s a slut who’s secretly having her way with various men in ways that we can only begin to imagine that involves handcuffs and trapezes and several other women and different kinds of smoking implements… But you see? Even writing this, it sinks into a morass of ridiculousness instead of a steaming cauldron of sexually abandoned fantasy.

It’s just not very Kago. And really, that limit of the idol persona – and not the limited resemblance of these two AV actresses – is what keeps this DVD strictly an exercise in cosplay and not a kind of vicarious indulgence in the secret sex lives of Tsujikago. As sexy as they can get, as alluring as they can be on stage and in PVs, when it comes to actual sex and the Twins, there seems to be no there there. Which may be a triumph of image over reality, but this remains the case for me.

Anyway, I have to say this: porn Kago and porn Tsuji have some chemistry. They look like they’re having fun in their cosplay roles, and they function well enough as a team.

It must be said that porn Kago may be the looker of the two, but porn Tsuji gets into her role a whole lot more. Porn Kago is more reserved in some ways, indulging in a bit of baby talk and goofiness… that said, porn Tsuji goes whole-hog, constantly making pouty faces which she thinks is Tsuji-esque but is also kind of Mari-esque.

Here, Tsuji and Kago negotiate for the rights to yet another single from Pink Lady… “You want us to play with your UFO? Unidentified F***ing Object?”

Here, porn Kago licks the tongue of the porn Samma.

Porn Nono has a lot of fun with the toy popping out of the guy’s boxer shorts: she grips it, she smacks it in the head like a fleshy bobble-toy, she coos in a voice that sounds more mentally challenged than sexually suggestive. If there’s anything that strikes me as at all indicative of what Tsuji’d be like in bed, that playfulness seems sort kinda maybe barely on-target. Perhaps.

Three-way tongue action. Picture that it’s porn Tamori. Picture that he’s still wearing those dark glasses he’s always wearing. Triple ick.

Finally, the porn Nono and porn Aibon do the W signal! Which is okay, but apparently the girls haven’t been practicing much with it, and the camera man kind of seems caught off-guard.

I have a hard time watching porn of any sort that takes itself too seriously, so it’s a big plus that these girls are having fun. There’s lots of laughing in this skit, lots of silliness, lots of attempts to be moe which don’t always succeed, but the attempt is appreciated…

I think I’d actually enjoy a video with these girls if they weren’t in W cosplay. Whether I’d enjoy it more or less, I’m not so sure… But they do make a pretty good team. And the porn Kago is actually hot in her own right. Not as hot as Nanba An, but almost as engaging.

Porn Mari. Get her a porn Shun, quick!

Actually, it’s kind of sad how these porn Tsujikagos equate the energy and goofiness of the W team with something approaching a mild retardedness. Is this how the public sees W nowadays? Or is it just an exaggeration necessary to forward the AV genre of this video?

Here, porn Tsujikago spit together into the mouth of their porn Tamori. I don’t know, it doesn’t turn me on much, but apparently there’s an audience out there that likes this. It’s not the worst thing in the video that I saw and made me go, “Well, not my cup of tea, but whatever…”

Thisis actually pretty cute, if not at all Tsujikago looking. The real Tsujikago aren’t this touchy-feely with each other, their playfulness always makes a big deal when they almost kiss or almost get kinda flirty. Compare how Tsujikago interact with each other and, say, the more intimate kind of interaction between friends like Sayumi and Eri, or Ayaya and Mikitty, or even Miori and Aki of SweetS.

For whatever reasons, it’s always struck me that as good friends and great partners as they are, Tsujikago have some clear limits with each other’s personal space and prefer it that way. They play up the intimacy to excellent effect, but I can’t recall any behind the scenes where, say, Tsuji sits on Kago’s lap or they play with each other’s hair or anything…

About this AV video, one thing I do appreciate is the slow build-up. I mean, the girls have been at it for a while and they’re still not naked and still not going for the full rumpy-pumpy by any means. Of course, once they get there, it’s full-on, but first…

Icing! You know, this is probably an out-take from the Minimoni movie. Is porn Takitty going to drop by with her black cat burglar outfit and night vision goggles? Hm, now that I think of it, Takitty’s costume in the Minimoni movie is actually skimpier than what porn Tsuji and porn Kago are wearing right now…

Minimoni cosplay porn… hm…

Watching this, I can’t help but sin “Minimoni! Hinamatsuri! Minimoni! Hinamatsuri!”… It’s a shame the porn Tsujikago don’t try some silly Minimoni dance moves. That would’ve been a sight to see.

Anyway, it’s funny how porn Nono gets kind of messy during the process, though I’ve cut out huge portions of it because I want to keep this blog relatively clean. Let’s just say that things gets much more intimate at a few key junctures. Let’s also say that porn Tsuji shows a real playful… gusto… during these junctures, which made her much more likeable and even desirable to a dirty old porn hound like me. I also like how she actually licks her hand after getting it all creamy.

I can almost picture Tsuji doing the same, considering how food-crazy both girls have been in various Hello! Morning contests.

At this point, porn Tsuji decides to take off her underwear and mount porn Tamori. Porn Kago decides to play a support role, which I guess is what ever unit’s sub-leader should do.

Anyway, they have sex and get naked and so on and so on. I’ve only covered the first twenty minutes of this two-hour video, and I may or may not come back to the other clothed snippets of this Tsujikago-licious treat. As far as I’m concerned, Amai Mitsu is pretty cute, so she’s more enjoyable to watch – more so when the Kago vibe has been set aside for the more physical moments.

Besides, I’m sure none of you out there are interested. It’s all about the W cosplay, right?

Anyway, this isn’t quite the same as a new W single or PV… but what the heck, it helps pass the time. I can’t wait for the real Kago to get back in the public eye. In the meanwhile, maybe I’ll see what the other skits on this DVD are like… Or see if there’s some Minimoni or Tanpopo cosplay porn out there, as well…

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8 Responses to “Is Tsujikago Cosplay Porn Better Than No Tsujikago At All?”
  1. marlyjane says:

    Someone I have a feeling I’d find this a whole lot hotter if some dude’s penis wasn’t involved. Hrm scratch that. “If some dude” wasn’t involved.

    That is all.

  2. Alice says:

    I’ve seen images from another video featuring the Aibon look alike called “(Idol Star) fuck da pyon~” where she wears minimoni like (but not exact duplicate) costumes. It’s kind of like the Ayaya cosplay videos, the Ayaya cos video was all right but the tea commercial one was down right pushing it.

  3. jordi says:

    Looks like the shining musume comics (DONT JUDGE ME)

  4. Steve Harrison says:

    Ok Ray….Yes, I also miss W….so the porn caps were a tease not only in the sense that it reminds me that there will be no REAL KagoTsuji for a long time, but (and again, for purely reseach reasons, AND..needing to have my W collection complete) where did you find this mythical video???
    It is always hard to search for things W. One word group names are hard enough (SweetS, Dream etc.) but a one LETTER name? I have search W, double U, double you, double you, etc. etc.
    You usually provide links to the sites you talk about, why this oversight?

    I honestly think, that for all of us doing valuable socialgical research on Japanese culture, ethics, and mores, that you should, for educational purposes, provide this Av for us via an direct DL site like megaupload. Thank you for your sincere consideration to this matter…

  5. Marlyjane:

    But what if it really was Tamori…? Would that change your mind?

    Alice:

    Ahh, one temptation after another, isn’t it?

    Jordi:

    Hey, I like what I’ve seen of Shining Musume. Though I couldn’t always tell who’s supposed to be who…

    Steve:

    Alice directed my attention to it in a comment over here. The link still works, at least it did just now, but whether or not anyone is seeding the file, I don’t know. That said, I can put it up in big chunks if there’s enough interest in this masterpiece of Hello! Project homage. (It’s a huge file so I think I’d break it down to three or four pieces, keeping the scenarios intact.)

  6. k2c says:

    I just have to respond to a post like this. Although I have nothing really…

    Just that this post couldn’t have been sanctioned by our company’s policy.

  7. _Sakuranbo says:

    Could I use these pictures in a post for my blog? I will credit you, but I would really like to use them. My blog is sort of an all around Japan culture/jpop/American rock kind of blog, and I’ve always wnated to do an article on Japans porn because…well, despit e it often making me shudder in fear, also puts me in awe at some of the sheer genius of it.

  8. gladys says:

    very w of porn??????