Who’s Your Jpop Daddy?

Filed in Cult Of Pop 2.0

I wasn’t expecting to be a father by the end of 2006 – end of 2007, yes, but not the end of this year. It’s going to involve bunches of changes in my life but it’s not going to turn this blog into the Cult of Dad or some such nonsense.

That said, it’s making me think a little more about things I’ve discussed with my wife for years now, practical issues of childraising and parenthood.

Doesn’t the prospect of having a daughter make me rethink my attitude about the younger idols? No. But ask me again in another five years.

The name issue. Well, my wife is now okay with Nozomi but not Ai Nozomi. So I’m now pushing for Chinami Mai, because I’m funny like that. Names I’m seriously considering: Ai, Nozomi, Chinami, Mai, Haruna, Mizuho. Some others, as well. For the most part, I like the rhythm of combining a three-syllable name with a one- or two-syllable name, with the longer name first (though switching it around may also work, such as with Ai Nozomi).

Because my wife is also half-German, she wants a German name as well. I’m thinking Gretel or perhaps Leni – though naming a child after Hitler’s favorite documentarian may not be a great idea. But hey, Leni Riefenstahl lived to be over 100 years old – and even survived a plane crash towards the end of her life.

There’s no way the child will be named Momoko. As I explained to the wife, there’s no way my child will have the same name as her future stepmother.

To go over possibilities, I’ve created the Jpop Baby Name Generator. Admittedly only one out of ten of the names generated make the wife or I go “Hmm” in a good way. And almost never the same name for both of us.

But what if it’s a boy? Shut up. Just shut up. It’s going to be a girl.

Trilinguality. Barb and I agreed a long time ago that our children will be fluent in English, German, and Japanese – just like her. So I’ll need to crash course in basic Japanese and German in the coming months. It’ll be fun to have an excuse to watch lots and lots of Mini Moni with the baby, too.

Home schooling. I don’t know if this’ll actually happen, but I’ve told Barb time and again in the past that our children will be home schooled by me. We both have backgrounds in education and I do think it’ll be a positive experience for the child to learn with that much personal attention. She’ll be reading Gravity’s Rainbow by twelve and writing its sequel by sixteen.

The prospect of having a child fluent in cultural critique at an early age is important to me. Not to raise a snob who thinks junk culture is less valuable than high art – I doubt it could happen, given her parents – but someone who is aware of what different types of cultural experiences entail and choose with that in mind. Why? Because I’m mildly horrified at how our increasingly postmodern world has failed to instill the truly insightful self-criticism that postmodernism was originally about. I can’t let my children grow up amusing themselves to death.

So maybe little Chinami Mai will like Jpop or maybe she’ll say something like, “Dad, do you realize that Sugaya Risako only reinforces hegemonic values about gender? How can you condone that?”

And I’ll say, “But honey, she’s now Prime Minister. She’s allowed to do that.”

No, really, what if it’s a boy? Then I name it Shingo Gackt Herman Mescallado and we’ll leave it at that.

The Nanny. I need to start looking for a really hot eighteen-year-old nanny for when the child is born. Anybody know anyone, send me photos. I don’t know how we’ll afford one but it’s got to be a high priority. She should also have loose morals, so she can become a cautionary tale for the child. Yeah. That’s it.

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17 Responses to “Who’s Your Jpop Daddy?”
  1. Tsuji_Eriku says:

    “There’s no way the child will be named Momoko. As I explained to the wife, there’s no way my child will have the same name as her future stepmother.”

    Jesus man, I couldn’t stop laughing. Congrats bro, it’s good to know your wifey is down with all this Jpop goodness.

  2. CJ Marsicano says:

    Ah yes, Ray, all good… but what will you do if little Haruna Mai wants to audition for the next generation of Coconuts Musume? XD

  3. Wapiko says:

    OH my =O Congratulations!!

  4. Great post, I laughed all the way through. Have you thought about dressing your future daughter in jpop costumes? If she grows up on a diet of jpop videos, then you don’t have decide–she’ll be asking mom to make the costumes. Congratulations.

  5. kk says:

    I went to a private highscool/middle school with many previously home school children, and I must say that many of them were rather…shall we say socialy impaired.

  6. Steve Harrison says:

    OMEDETOU GOZAIMASU !!

    Boy, do you have a great wife…
    Mine calls me a perv all the time, and that’s when she sees me into Momusu…if she saw me watching my Berryz dvds, and reading the Berryz PBs she would prob. go thru the roof and call it CP…!!
    MOMOKO..your child’s future step mother ??? What does the wife say about that? esp. considering MOMOKO hs already agreed to marry me after jr. high.. see..I am a perv!!??

  7. Freya says:

    So, if you need any help in German, just ask 😉

    Personally, being German, I wouldn’t consider Gretel or Leni as names for my child. Maybe Leni, but Gretel is terribly old-fashioned.

  8. Chuck says:

    I’m late to the punch, but congratulations, Ray.

    By the way, do you really want to home school the kid? Like, all the way?

  9. Thanks to everybody commenting in this post and the last one! I told my wife of all the well wishes from you folks and she was very pleased.

    kk and Chuck:

    The main obstacle to home schooling would be whether or not I’d be working at home (i.e., writing enough that I can earn a healthy family-sized income) when it’s time to start educating the child. I haven’t given it too much thought but I think home schooling up to junior high and they can attend a regular high school from there.

    And kk, your observation was something that had also concerned me for a long while – apparently there are home schooling networks that try to compensate for the risk of isolation by having events where kids can socialize. I think having me for a parent would be more of a burden on social skills than home schooling anyway. Though since I’d be teaching my kids, that’d just double the problem, wouldn’t it?

    CJ:

    If I can convince her to be an idol, I’d be ecstatic. If she can get into H!P, it’s like having my own little spy among the sheep. By that point Momoko’d be in her early twenties (at least) and so I’d only be twice as old as my future wife instead of almost three times as old. And Nakazawa’d probably still be single, if push comes to shove…

    Taiwanonymous:

    I brought up the idea of dressing our future child in a little Renai Revolution 21 costume for Halloween and the wife laughed. She asked what I’d be and I said I’d dye my hair blonde and be Tsunku.

    Tsuji_Eriku and Steve:

    My wife is very, very, VERY patient with me. That’s why we’re still married. It also helps that she grew up in Japan so the kind of weird otaku tendencies I have doesn’t phase her as much as it would otherwise. Even my mother-in-law finds it amusing more than alarming that I’m so into Morning Musume and the like…

    Freya:

    The wife hated all the German girl names I liked – Dagmar, Ilse, Gretel, and so on. I know I’m gravitating more to the old-fashioned names but it comes from the cultural references I’m drawing upon. The one name I love is Adelina, in honor of my father-in-law Adalbert – but Barbara hates that one, too.

    My wife is asking me to ask you what are the current girl names popular in Germany right now.

  10. Chuck says:

    Eh, I think you’ll want to take a look at those social network things before you send a kid there. I went to some of the ones around here, and they were all kind of creepy religious types. And that was my perspective as a homeschooled Mormon kid, so by all rights, I should have been the creepy religious type.

    Oh, and I wouldn’t count on having Nakazawa as a backup wife. She’ll be happily married to Yossie by then.

  11. Wapiko says:

    Not if Yossi’s married to Rika. XD

  12. Chuck says:

    Nah, Rika’s straight. One day, when Rika marries some guy in a boy band, Yossie will come to understand that and she’ll be heartbroken, and then Yuko will pet her hair and tell her she’s a pretty princess and they’ll fall in love. That’s how it’s going to happen. The tea leaves told me. Just you wait and see.

  13. Sabaku Ika says:

    What about Leniko?

  14. k2c says:

    Wow!! Congratulations on becoming a father!

  15. Freya says:

    Here’s a list with the most popular names for girls …

    1. Marie
    2. Sophie
    3. Maria
    4. Anna, Anne
    5. Leonie
    6. Lea(h)
    7. Laura
    8. Lena
    9. Katharina
    10. Johanna

    It’s from 2004 but it’s the most recent one I could find. Maybe your wife’ll like some of these ^_^

  16. Wapiko says:

    Chuck – I had a good laugh at that, but I shall follow your theory XDDDD

  17. Chuck:

    Thanks for the info on the social network thing. Something to definitely keep in mind, especially since I’ll be raising my child as a Druid.

    As for Yuko and Yossi… hm…

    Freya:

    Thanks for the list! My wife looked over it and liked what she saw.