The U15 Battle Royale Generator

Filed in Cult Of Pop 2.0

In the "tradition" of the Hello! Project Unit Generator, I present the U15 Battle Royale Generator. Now you can randomly generate scenarios to see which under-fifteen girl idol would be left standing in the death match to end all death matches!

I’d been wanting to do a generator with an idol version of Battle Royale for a while – actually, right after I finished the H!P Unit Generator a couple months back – but had no hook to make it work. However, a current MM-BBS thread about the new Berryz Koubo swerved into a discussion of how Berryz compares to the other under-fifteen girl groups, most notably SweetS and Hinoi Team. Somehow, any discussion of the merits of one U15 groups leads to these debates, kind of like how a discussion of the older Avex girl groups tends (though not as much) to swing to comparisons against Morning Musume.

Suika of Melon Pop! inadvertantly spurred me to write up this generator, as it was a comment she made on that thread that had me going, "Wait a minute…! That’s it!"

Admittedly, Battle Royale is something of a dated cultural reference for those of us into Japanese pop culture, but it’s still one of the best teen romance movies I’d ever seen and rewards repeat viewings. The U15 BR Generator also bears some mild resemblance to Naked Weapon, a movie where teenage girls are abducted, trained as assassins, and later forced to kill each other.

And besides, I’m a bloodthirsty bastard at heart. So writing up the different kinds of deaths – with many homages to favorite slayings in movies and other media – was loads of fun. I may have made my peace with the U15 debate and achieved a sense of harmony by knowing how the different important groups fit in my fragile, Freudian psyche, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the possibility of these girls engaged in wholesale slaughter.

On an imaginary basis, of course. 

This initial version of the U15BRG is robust enough for maybe a dozen reloads, but needs some further work. I don’t have any other plans for a Jpop-related generator beyond this, but you never know…


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5 Responses to “The U15 Battle Royale Generator”
  1. Jarret says:

    One of the best teen romances? Hmm, now that you mention it, there was quite a bit of romance in it.

    But of course, it was kinda drowned out by the little bits of of violence it had.

    Anyways, here’s my randomly-generated U15 Battle Royale:

    Set into motion by a vengeful Nakazawa Yuko, the battle takes place on a deserted island. At the end, Momoko o Momoko (Ha!) has her face set on fire with a torch and Risa of Paradise Go!! Go!! is chopped into pieces when a helicopter falls on her. Megumi of C-ute believes she is the last girl standing only to be surprised when Irie Saaya crawls from the wreckage and bitch slaps her mercilessly with a spiked glove.

  2. Kusumi You Fool says:

    Wow, Koharu won my randomly generated BR. Maybe she is a miracle ace.

    Oh, and BR will never be outdated in my heart. The scene where that girl goes crazy and thinks she’s a space warrior alone is enough to make it a classic.

  3. Leanne says:

    Cool 😀

    Battle Royale I will say is one of my fav movies of all time. Best romance though? o.O??

    “Though they were friends throughout the battle, at the endgame Momoko o Momoko turns on Rika of Paradise Go!! Go!! as she enacts the Death By A Thousand Paper Cuts. Watching this, Haruna of SweetS – who has a flashback on how her own ally and almost-lover Airi of C-ute dies when she stumbles onto the sticky web of a hungry giant spider – finally emerges from the shadow and surprising her final enemy, smashes her head through a window and stabs her with the broken shards. Watching this on a monitor, a truly desperate Ishibashi Takaaki applauds at the last idol standing on the North Shore of Oahu.”

  4. Rikku says:

    LoL, this is hilarious!!!! i wish i had Koha in mine, but… who is Koriko?
    LOLZ, Momoko gets attacked by a polar bear! oh no! that’s bad, i like Momo-chan….

    Mai of Sweets wins in mine ^_^

    As the carnage approaches its apex underneath the Kouhaku stage, an insane Koriki cackles maniacally at the Battle Royale command base, believing this evil plan to kill off all the lovely young idols has succeeded. However, the base perimeter has been breached by the girls! Along the way Momoko o Momoko runs into a polar bear that tears her apart, and Keika of Hinoi Team switches alliances by turning on Megumi of C-ute and activates the collar with a remote to make her head explode. Mai of SweetS kills the traitor, as she gives a Wu-Tang Double Nipple Twist of Death, and goes on to face the evil mastermind alone…

  5. Kusumi You Fool says:

    Koriki is the fat wrestler guy from Hinoi Team’s new video.