AAA Could Stand For So Many Other Things…

Filed in Cult Of Pop 2.0

I think I’d like AAA’s "Blood on Fire" a lot better if it was porn.

Whenever I watch All Around Attack’s first PV, I find myself wondering if it would work a whole lot better if hardcore sex was included. Which isn’t to imply that any of these five boys and three girls would do porn or that there’s any hanky panky going on behind the scenes. I wouldn’t care, and I sincerely doubt that’d be the case if they’re being true professionals. Hell, if you told me they were all virgins, I wouldn’t be surprised or disappointed or would encourage them to be any different.

However, the whole nature of the PV would be better served if there was a porn angle. At least, it would bring out a lot of what I’m detecting as subtext and render the ridiculous aspects… well, not less ridiculous, but more interesting. Or at least more nekkid.

The PV opens with a darkened chamber, yawning open as lights blink out from the distant center to the nearest and largest arches. Does this remind you of anything, in a Georgia O’Keefe kind of way? No? Okay, that’s probably just me.

Now, credit where credit’s due: having boys and girls together in a singing group is a nice idea. The fact that co-ed singing is so novel is kind of weird, though, isn’t it? But it’s nice to see a singing group in Jpop that’s got a mix of female and male voices.

This doesn’t automatically make me think, "boys + girls = oral + reverse cowgirl + doggie + money shot", however.

It’s the attitude the group’s exuding – on some level, it seems like a whole lot of energy that could be better spent with some full-on hardcore action. I’m sensing a good deal of throbbing, jumping, strutting sublimation going on in the futuro-cave. Bringing it out to the forefront just seems healthier.

For starters, I hate tough-guy posing by kids, and the boys in the group seem to think that they’re total badasses in this PV. This may be my age talking, but when I see youngsters who dress well (or at least, expensively) but act all street, it always rings kind of false to me. The cult of authenticity vibe is called into question: throw them into a real ghetto and see how long they last. For me, true street cred is looking anonymous and vaguely insane on a subway in the middle of night: that’s the kind of person nobody fucks with. Sporting a soul patch, Fubu, and a sneer will only get you mugged that much faster.

The only place I find such tough guy posing tolerable – or at least, less prone to laughing at – is in porn. Because if you’re going to be on-camera displaying off your genitalia and putting it to good use, you’re entitled to look tougher than you really are.

The three girls in the group are totally hot…

I mean, hot in a generic way…

But hot nonetheless. This one sings well, I’m not sure how much the others sing.

The girls aren’t very distinct to me (yet), but they give off hot vibes like aluminum foil in a microwave. So generic hot girls is a pretty clear signal to AV for me, I’ll admit.

But the big convincer that AAA would work as porn? The acrobatics. Everybody is leaping all over the place and doing handstands and spins. They leap over each other in elaborate arcs, the boys seeming to equate this with proof of their toughness and virility. I think it’s supposed to remind me of breakdancing – but it’s so out there at times, and so stylized, I’m reminded of a couple of other things.

On the one hand, I’m thinking it’s kind of like West Side Story where gangs danced instead of actually knifed each other during fights. "When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet for life…" And on the other hand,it also reminds me of the explicit gay trapeze act described in such loving detail in the middle of William Burroughs’ Nova Express – except much more frenetic and not inspired by a long-running drug habit. Young male bodies spinning in ways that bring attention to how young, how lithe, and how male they are… Yeah, that’s very Burroughsian.

And of course, it’s like the ritualized mating dances of primitive tribes: proving oneself to potential mates before getting it on… ThoughI wouldn’t be all that disappointed if AAA went with male-male action instead of the hetero route, since it’s the boys who do most all the leaping, jumping, and so on. I can picture some Jeff Stryker action as different boys leap over the young lovers, striking poses as they reach the apex of their jumps…

I like this look: it says Unabomber, but young and hip.

And then there’s the song itself. "Blood on Fire" starts with frenetic synthy sounds followed by a laughable heavy-metal riff that serves as the beat for the song. It’s not a very subtle song… or very distinctive. The too-insistent beat and relentless strutting it seems to provoke is just… well, much muchness. And porn is, if nothing else, an exercise in much muchness.

But this guy, apparently, is the one who makes the song all but unlistenable at times with his relentlessly bad rapping. I appreciate that it’s in English, but it’s delivered with such little flow or style, just a lot of hoarse speed-talking that ups the faux tough guy posturing to eleven. And when he tries to look street, it’s more New Kids On the Block than Wu-Tang Clan. And we’re talking Joey or Jordan, not Marky Mark’s brother.

Someone should lock him in a room and make him listen to Rip Slyme for a few days.

Have I mentioned that the girls in AAA are hot? Well, they are. When I read in Thea’s Made in Paradise that AAA already has a photobook, I seriously considered getting it, just for the girls. I’m still thinking about it, actually…

I think the group would be better served if they cut it down to five or even four. Two guys and two girls, so a Folder-styled ouster doesn’t happen from an imbalance. Definitely these three would stick around: Yellow Shirt Guy and Young Unabomber sing well enough, as does this girl. Let the other two girls fight for the last position in AAA Phase II, preferably in a pool of jello or with oversized boxing gloves.

But the group would also have to find a better song, something considerab
ly less generic. Maybe something that sounds more upbeat than aggro. And with no rapping. At least, not by the NKOTB-styled guy.

Back to my original point, I know I’ve seen this position in a porn movie…

And this position in some timeless Greg Dark masterpiece….

And the flames! Well, what’s meant by "blood on fire"anyway? Could it be cured with a shot of penicillin?

I like this pose. I’d go into details, but you won’t want to hear it.

I want to like AAA. That said, I’m wondering if this is one of those groups that are beyond me because of a generation gap. Maybe I’m too old to like AAA: the loud pseudo-rapping and constant leaping and overblown guitar riffs leaves me feeling a little cranky and tired, the constant self-serious preening makes me want to slap somebody.

But they have some good points that even a cranky old guy like me can detect.

For starters, they’re visual! The leaping is fun in its own way, very… energetic. It could get too gimmicky if overdone (like here), but a good choreographer would help.

And there’s some talent in the singing, as I’ve pointed out.

Really, I want to find out if this group has some musical range, if they can do more than cheesy songs best used for faux grinding at teen discos. I’m actually willing to bet they’d do great with a ballad, allowing his-and-hers emoting – as long as the rapping dude is bound, gagged, and left in a closet. In Antarctica.

At any rate, "Blood on Fire" is an eye-catching debut. It could’ve been more eye-catching, but then it’d have to go through 2257 legislation if imported to the States. So this version is probably for the best.

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3 Responses to “AAA Could Stand For So Many Other Things…”
  1. Thea says:

    lol i guess some people really can’t like AAA xD a lot of the girls i know are starting to like them. it’s the boys i tell you lol.

    yes, the artistbook is very very great! it has a lot of great stuff. from great pics to great articles. i’m really happy i bought this. it wasn’t a waste lol. oh there are pics of yukari doing rhythmic gymnastics… would that help? xD

    i found out in the artistbook that originally, they planned just the 5 boys and Misako. but they thought the boys were overpowering misako, so they got Yukari to do acrobatics and stuff. Chiaki was just cute lol. kinda sad xD;

    anyways, AAA is a non-genre group that will challenge anything (according to them), so i’m hoping for more in their future releases =D

  2. niji says:

    I get the feeling that Ray doesn’t like the rapping guy. I’m smart. ROTFL XP

  3. Thea:

    Rhythmic gymnastics? Sold!

    I downloaded their new PV but haven’t watched it much yet. I really think a ballad would be great from this group, as long as rapping guy is kept out of the mix.

    niji:

    I was trying to be subtle. That is, I wrote “Antarctica” when I meant “the flaming pits of hell”.