So, did you miss me? Actually, don’t answer that. I’ve thought a lot about it, a lot more than anyone has probably realized, and I’ve come to the conclusion I don’t care if anyone missed me. Of course I did spend a lot of days crying on the inside and yelling why, while dramatically throwing my hands into the air. But I am past that now. I’ve decided that it’s enough that I’ve missed me. I’m a smart independent blogger that don’t need no validation. At least, not anymore.
Also, I figured, hey, if someone random chick I’ve never heard of from NMB48 can graduate from the group and then return like nothing happened, why can’t I? Let’s just say this is my Jay-Z coming out of retirement post. Let’s not call it a comeback I’ve been here for years. Ok, I’ll stop now. Come on, have you at least missed my terrible humor that only I find funny?
Though I can’t take all the credit for this sudden epiphany, or any of it really. I got a sweet message from one of my lovely followers on tumblr. And all they did was ask a simple question, something along the lines of, “Am I ever going to blog again?” They also said, “It’s ok if I’m not.” Now, that alone is an innocent enough question, but such a simple question crashed against me like a wave. Suddenly I was flooded with emotions about blogging and I felt a twinge of pain.
My blog, is pretty much my baby. And it’s been with me through everything good and bad in the idol world. I’ve had times where it was an absolute blast writing and times where I felt less inspired. It became a place where I could vent all of my emotions and opinions. I could write that I cried over an idol and people would understand the sentiment instead of thinking it was weird. Granted I probably did get a lot of eye rolls for crying over NEWS. But at the same time I got a lot of praise for crying over Mitsui Aika. Where’s the equality in that?
But my blog not only got my through the tough times idol wise it got me through the tough times real life wise. And you’ll get that from the posts I made about Hurricane Sandy and my mother’s stroke. My blog became this special beacon shining light onto myself. It was everything that made me, me personified.
But let’s get to the real nitty-gritty now and ask the questions everyone is wondering. Why did I stop blogging in the first place? And the truth is I never planned to or really wanted to at the time. You all know how I’m procrastinator. So, it just started with the normal me putting off writing blog posts. And after a while the feelings of not wanting to write anymore fermented in my heart and I started wondering if blogging was worth it anymore. I had a lot of feeling like: “No one pays attention to my blog anyway,” “No one even bothers commenting on my blog so what’s the point,” “No one even notices I haven’t been blogging.” Among other extremely emo thoughts. I swear if I drank that would have been the point where I sat with a bottle of whiskey and cried myself to sleep. Though give me credit, I’m a bit more level headed than that. And behind this overly sensitive bleeding heart beats one of a true cynic. So, I could easy shove those thoughts away with a wave of my hand. Though I won’t deny that these thoughts in the back of my head were the fueling force behind not continuing.
So, what have I been up to in the 6 and a half months I haven’t been blogging? Well, it’s simple really, absolutely nothing. Well, obviously not nothing nothing. Just nothing of substance. I’ve pretty much just been going on with my life without blogging. Like I used to do before blogging, and let me tell you those were grim days. I became an H!P fan in 2007 and started my blog in 2008. So, nearly every moment of me being an idol fan has been documented in this blog. So, not blogging for even half a year seems pretty surreal and made me feel oddly empty inside. And in an even odder way, it doesn’t feel like I’m even an idol fan if I’m not blogging about it. I thought just being an idol fan and not feeling pressured by having to write about everything going on would be fun and make me feel at ease. But let me tell you, it is so ungodly boring! How do idol fans do it? How do people who don’t blog about it or get their opinion fully out about idol feel satisfied? Because let me tell you, I wasn’t even in the slightest.
I have to also say I am deeply, incredibly, horrendously, completely sad about all the BIG idol stuff that happened that I didn’t blog about. Such as Tsunku screwing us out of the 12th gen and my beloved Tanaka Koki getting the ax from KAT-TUN. (Oh yes, there were tears.) I also, regret not making my blog anniversary post. I actually planned on my anniversary post (which would have been in July in case you’re wondering) my official comeback. But that obviously didn’t happen. Since I’ve missed so much I’m been thinking about asking people if there’s any PV they want me to review that I’ve missed in my time away, or any big idol news they want me to comment on.
Guys, it’s getting close to my annual posts. You know I can’t pass up doing them. They are WAY too much fun. Yes, the best/worst song posts are a little time consuming, but at the same time are some of my favorite posts to write.
So, I leave you guys with nothing more than just my triumphant return. And this blog post that is kind of a giant pat on the back to myself and written mostly for myself. As all my blogging is and always has been. I just had a moment of weakness where I lost sight of that. But I promise that won’t happen again. Though if it does, don’t take it personally. After all, this blog is really for myself. And it other people are caught in the crosshairs and like it, that’s fantastic. And if they don’t, well I’m not going to beat myself up over it. Not anymore.