A wild Aim appears

BK

So, did you miss me? Actually, don’t answer that. I’ve thought a lot about it, a lot more than anyone has probably realized, and I’ve come to the conclusion I don’t care if anyone missed me. Of course I did spend a lot of days crying on the inside and yelling why, while dramatically throwing my hands into the air. But I am past that now. I’ve decided that it’s enough that I’ve missed me. I’m a smart independent blogger that don’t need no validation. At least, not anymore.

Also, I figured, hey, if someone random chick I’ve never heard of from NMB48 can graduate from the group and then return like nothing happened, why can’t I? Let’s just say this is my Jay-Z coming out of retirement post. Let’s not call it a comeback I’ve been here for years. Ok, I’ll stop now. Come on, have you at least missed my terrible humor that only I find funny?

Though I can’t take all the credit for this sudden epiphany, or any of it really. I got a sweet message from one of my lovely followers on tumblr. And all they did was ask a simple question, something along the lines of, “Am I ever going to blog again?” They also said, “It’s ok if I’m not.” Now, that alone is an innocent enough question, but such a simple question crashed against me like a wave. Suddenly I was flooded with emotions about blogging and I felt a twinge of pain.

My blog, is pretty much my baby. And it’s been with me through everything good and bad in the idol world. I’ve had times where it was an absolute blast writing and times where I felt less inspired. It became a place where I could vent all of my emotions and opinions. I could write that I cried over an idol and people would understand the sentiment instead of thinking it was weird. Granted I probably did get a lot of eye rolls for crying over NEWS. But at the same time I got a lot of praise for crying over Mitsui Aika. Where’s the equality in that?

But my blog not only got my through the tough times idol wise it got me through the tough times real life wise. And you’ll get that from the posts I made about Hurricane Sandy and my mother’s stroke. My blog became this special beacon shining light onto myself. It was everything that made me, me personified.

But let’s get to the real nitty-gritty now and ask the questions everyone is wondering. Why did I stop blogging in the first place? And the truth is I never planned to or really wanted to at the time. You all know how I’m procrastinator. So, it just started with the normal me putting off writing blog posts. And after a while the feelings of not wanting to write anymore fermented in my heart and I started wondering if blogging was worth it anymore. I had a lot of feeling like: “No one pays attention to my blog anyway,” “No one even bothers commenting on my blog so what’s the point,” “No one even notices I haven’t been blogging.” Among other extremely emo thoughts. I swear if I drank that would have been the point where I sat with a bottle of whiskey and cried myself to sleep. Though give me credit, I’m a bit more level headed than that. And behind this overly sensitive bleeding heart beats one of a true cynic. So, I could easy shove those thoughts away with a wave of my hand. Though I won’t deny that these thoughts in the back of my head were the fueling force behind not continuing.

So, what have I been up to in the 6 and a half months I haven’t been blogging? Well, it’s simple really, absolutely nothing. Well, obviously not nothing nothing. Just nothing of substance. I’ve pretty much just been going on with my life without blogging. Like I used to do before blogging, and let me tell you those were grim days.  I became an H!P fan in 2007 and started my blog in 2008. So, nearly every moment of me being an idol fan has been documented in this blog. So, not blogging for even half a year seems pretty surreal and made me feel oddly empty inside. And in an even odder way, it doesn’t feel like I’m even an idol fan if I’m not blogging about it. I thought just being an idol fan and not feeling pressured by having to write about everything going on would be fun and make me feel at ease. But let me tell you, it is so ungodly boring! How do idol fans do it? How do people who don’t blog about it or get their opinion fully out about idol feel satisfied? Because let me tell you, I wasn’t even in the slightest.

I have to also say I am deeply, incredibly, horrendously, completely sad about all the BIG idol stuff that happened that I didn’t blog about. Such as Tsunku screwing us out of the 12th gen and my beloved Tanaka Koki getting the ax from KAT-TUN. (Oh yes, there were tears.) I also, regret not making my blog anniversary post. I actually planned on my anniversary post (which would have been in July in case you’re wondering) my official comeback. But that obviously didn’t happen. Since I’ve missed so much I’m been thinking about asking people if there’s any PV they want me to review that I’ve missed in my time away, or any big idol news they want me to comment on.

Guys, it’s getting close to my annual posts. You know I can’t pass up doing them. They are WAY too much fun. Yes, the best/worst song posts are a little time consuming, but at the same time are some of my favorite posts to write.

So, I leave you guys with nothing more than just my triumphant return. And this blog post that is kind of a giant pat on the back to myself and written mostly for myself. As all my blogging is and always has been. I just had a moment of weakness where I lost sight of that. But I promise that won’t happen again. Though if it does, don’t take it personally. After all, this blog is really for myself. And it other people are caught in the crosshairs and like it, that’s fantastic. And if they don’t, well I’m not going to beat myself up over it. Not anymore.

8 thoughts on “A wild Aim appears”

  1. I’m excited to see you back! You were gone for so long, but I always hold on to a little bit of hope that bloggers I follow will comeback, no matter how long it takes! I found your blog probably through one of my Google searches on NEWS or KAT-TUN (since they are actually the only fandoms that we share, that I know of anyway). Even though I’m not into all these idol groups, your blog is still a good read and I’m glad you’re back! Hope everything has been well! 🙂

    1. Thanks a lot. I’m actually excited to be back. Lol.
      Oh wow, I didn’t realize I had people who read my blog for just one or two groups. Like I knew there was obviously a clear divide between male idol and female idol fans. But I am so happy that you support my blog even if it’s for only two groups. I will definitely keep you in mind when I blog about those groups. <3
      Thanks again and it has been. 😀

  2. Aim, welcome back! I was wondering whether or not to message you personally via e-mail, but I’ll post here…

    I’ve been waiting for your return, wondering ‘Will Aim ever come back? Has she left for good?’ it was upsetting wondering if one of my inspirations in blogging had decided to stop… but if you did, it was understandable, because I know these things don’t last forever (sad but true)… but I had that hope. And then, you return… I am so happy!!!

    But reading that you felt no one cares, or no one reads the blog, it made me sad because you have so many people who love you and care for this blog, including myself. I am sure we were all wondering where you had gone, and if you were okay. We love you so much, Aim, and we think the world of you. Please don’t feel that we don’t care, because we truly do. You are a light for us in the Idol world, a person to turn to when we want to laugh and to have a good read. You are an amazing blogger, and having you disappear was rather confusing and saddening for myself…

    I love you so much Aim, and so do others… we understand when you want to stop, and we know you have times where you are stressed, depressed, and need to focus on your family… but please know that we are here as well, and that we will try and help as much as possible. We love you lots, and we think so highly of you.

    Thank you for just being here, and thank you for returning… we love you so much <3 You mean far more to us than you think, that I am sure of.

    Much love,
    Chiima~ xxx

    1. Thanks! 😀

      Yeah, it was actually a really struggle within myself if I was going to keep on blogging. I actually had a few times were I contemplated writing my farewell post instead of return post. But I could never actually bring myself to do it. I guess I just needed a bit of a break to really collect my thoughts and regain focus about it.

      I’ve had a lot of feelings like that, but I’m sure most bloggers have had moments like that. I usually have thoughts like that at least once a year. I guess they were a little stronger this time. Chii once again you flatter my blog more than it deserves. But I always appreciate your kind words and I have always considered you one of my top supporters. ;A; And I realize now that there are probably many people out there who care about me and my blog. I guess I just needed a reminder of myself to regain some confidence.

      Thanks. And I guess that is true. I should have probably voiced my concerns in this blog sooner instead of just disappearing for no reason. But as I said I didn’t really take it to heart that people cared or where waiting. I realize now that that was completely silly.

      Thanks once again. And I know now that I do. But thanks for reminding me regardless. <3

  3. Glad to have you back, Aim! The blogsphere really was quite empty and dare I say, aimless without you!

    Seriously though, I’m really super happy that you’ve decided to come back. Before I even started blogging, I always really looked up to you and your writing, even if I didn’t always agree with what you wrote. And after I did start, I’d sometimes think, “Maybe I can be as cool as Aim!” or “Maybe my writing can be as good as Aim’s!”

    So to know your mixed feelings about your blog and your readers and everything else made me really sad. Because I think someone whose made such wonderful contributions to the idolsphere deserves the best happiness. And I hope that going back to regularly blogging is something that will make you happy, especially since I think you’ve touched a lot of people, who maybe haven’t always voiced that. I mean, we all do this idol blogging thing because it makes us happy, right?

    I guess what I’m trying to say in the least awkward way possible is that this is your blog, and you’re free to do what you want with it. But I’m happy that you decided to come back to it, and I hope you are too. I especially look forward to your aforementioned year-end posts! Anyways, welcome back!

    1. Thanks. I’m glad to be back. Also, that’s a good pun I wish I would have thought of it myself. Lol.

      Wow, I actually had o idea that people were that inspired by my writing or looked up to it that much. It’s an odd feeling I gotta tell you that. I remember looking up to blogs before I starting blogging myself, so it feels a little weird to have my blog in that situation. Maybe I’m just my biggest critic but I never thought that my writing was all that great.

      We do so this because it makes us happy and blogging does make me happy. I guess I just needed a break to reconfirm that. I had this lonely feeling every time something blog worthy happened and I didn’t blog about it.

      I absolutely am. 😀 Thanks I’ve already started collecting some Christmas posts and I think I’m gonna start the framework on the best and worst posts today.

  4. I find myself with similar feelings on blogging and hiatus and all that. I came back to blogging after a long time too… It’s been inconsistent, but all the same it still feels so nice to still have something out there that’s mine. Glad to see that you share that feeling too. Anyway, I’m glad you’re back! Your writing is always so fun to read. I love your sense of humor.

    1. Good to know that I’m not the only one who has had feelings like this when it comes to blogging. It’s kind of a hopeless feeling and it’s not fun. The most we can to is just pull ourselves up by the boot straps and keep going. Because like you said it is nice to have something that’s yours.
      Thank you. 😀 I’m glad that you enjoy reading my blog. And I’m happy that other people beyond myself enjoy my sense of humor. Lol.

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